What is success for you?
How do you define success?
Why is success important for you?
When you succeed at “what is”, then what value will it add to your life?
When you succeed at “what is”, then what will it say about you?
Whatever success mean to each of us; however we use the word “success”; whatever be our references for success; however we define success; whatever our beliefs about success; however we relate to the word “success”, whether we want to have a successful relationship; whether we want to be known as an author, an activist, an influencer, an entrepreneur, a community leader, a change-driver; whether we stay committed on our self-development path or spiritual path (whatever be it), there are two keys to look at:
1. Visibility
2. Failure
1. Visibility
To be successful, there has to be a willingness to become visible. With visibility comes vulnerability. Visibility asks of us to show up vulnerably in front of ourselves and those who will be touched directly through our presence and/or services.
To be visible means to be seen, to be heard, to be held, to be witnessed and to be acknowledged. To be visible means that one no more hides behind an imagery but instead one shows up as one is right here right now.
With vulnerability come the risks of our inner shame being exposed. In most instances, it is less about the things that we are ashamed of but rather the shame that we hold within.
We are few to want others to see that we hold shame, for we fear that once our shame is revealed, we will hear “yes, indeed, you better be ashamed of this and that. I hear you , I would be equally ashamed had I been in your place.”
To be successful, it asks of us to ease investing our vital energy in hiding the shame, be it the shame of our childhood; a relationship; trauma; failures; financial status; relationship status and much more.
The more our vital energy is invested towards that which we seek instead of that which we are ashamed of, the more we are able to engage in acts of the heart on a day to day basis. Most of us juggle in terms of how much energy we invest in hiding our shame.
Vulnerability asks of courage, courage is an internal movement unseen by the external world yet deeply felt, experienced and witnessed by the creator, the one who chooses to become visible to the external world, whether through writing blogs, posting videos, launching a business, asking that person for a date and much more.
On a scale of 0-10, how much energy do you invest in hiding that which are you are ashamed of?
With shame comes this trail of thinking and beliefs, that I am not good-enough to be belong and to be loved.
Where do we go from here?
We begin by looking at our relationship with failure
2. Failure
There is no success without failure. Failure whatever, however, whyever we may define and use the “word”, it has much to be with our relationship with “not-knowing/ being wrong”.
What is your relationship with “not-knowing/being wrong”?
On a scale of 0-10, how comfortable are you to tell a client or a child or your partner, that “I do not know or I am sorry that I appeared pushy or I acknowledge that I acted from my limited perceptions. As a student of my teacher, I am sharing this knowledge with you. I do not own legitimacy to this methodology, I have created none of these (the list is endless). ”
Where are you right here right now?
What are you present to?
What are the thoughts?
What has opened up for you?
The two keys: Visibility and Failure remind us of our power within, it reminds us of our power to think, to feel, to speak, to create, to relate and to act.
If we seek success as a way to prove that we have control over life, then Visibility and Failure teach us that the only area of life that we can have control over is our self.
We cannot control who will like or hate us; we cannot control the economy; we cannot control the environment; we cannot control legal and social changes all of us impact our way to success in one way or another.
Visibility and Failure teach us that success and failures are mirages on the journey to co-creating, to learning, to growing, to grooming, to blossoming, to dying and to re-birthing again, one cannot exist without the other.
Visibility and Failure remind us that while there are countless useful tried-tested tools, methodologies, strategies and services that support the “DOING” aspect of success, the “BEING” aspect is of utmost importance.
To “BE” asks that we allow shame to be embodied instead of recounting the story of “who did what, where, when, why, how and with whom”. Unless we allow shame to be fully experienced, we stay engaged in runner-chaser race, shame chasing us and growing in strength with each breath.
If success of “what is” is what you seek, then bring “that which” strengthens you and shed light on “that which” drains you. Use your strength to courageously face your shame and from that space, move to “that which” you feel (not the story but the feeling) and allow the feeling to be fully experienced.
Remember, we offer to others “that which” we offer to ourselves.
If we long authentic connections, then we begin by authentically relating with ourselves in kindness, giving ourselves space to not-know, to be wrong, to have ongoingly expanding space to learn, unlearn and relearn.
Love from my heart to yours
Megha Venketasamy
Graphic Works @ NyameDua 2020
Image source: Unsplash
Post © Megha Venketasamy, 2020. All rights reserved.
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