|MY WORDS ARE AN INVITATION. I HAVE TAKEN A SIMPLISTIC APPROACH TO A HIGHLY COMPLEX DYNAMIC. HOWEVER, THERE ARE ELEMENTS WORTH REFLECTING ON AND PONDERING WHILE ALLOWING SELF TO SEE,FEEL, HEAR AND WITNESS THE WORLD THROUGH NEW EYES|
These words are for young adults (15 to 30yrs or , however you define and identify young adults) and all of us and especially for those young women who reach out for coaching and circles and aching to be understood for their choices.
Experiencing frustration in our relationships with our parents is a good sign. Here’s why.
If you have these happy merry-jolly engagements with your parents with little if not, no disagreements, misunderstandings, diverging views and opinions, chances are that either one of the parties concerned is in full submitting/fawning/attaching or the dynamics not matter how healthy and/or unhealthy are between you and your parents are serving you both or you are probably relating with parents who have been and are doing their inner works while showing up to be supported and to support you.
Truth is, most of us, come from families where our parents did their best with their inherited trauma and we are surviving with our share of attachment wounds, trauma, unmet needs spilling into anxiety, panic attacks and much more. we grew up believing we have a personality, while in truth we grew up adapting in life through our survival strategies.
Whatever, whoever, whyever, wherever, whenever, you define, you experience, you mean, you see, you feel and you hear frustration, frustration is not a bad thing, nor is it a dysfunction to be fixed.
Babies get frustrated when they are trying to reach for something and someone blocks their way, they cry out of exasperation, yet they keep trying. Little ones get frustrated when they want that extra cookie or piece of chocolate and are met by a “no” from caregivers/ parents. This is telling that there is a movement of affirming and moving towards what I want as young as we are.
We, adults get frustrated when we are trying hard to reach that milestone and it seems to be taking forever.
As we age and we begin to question “What do I want? What is my purpose? What ignites me from within? Where do I want to focus my energy and resources on for the coming years?”
We are many who will meet and be met with disapproval, disagreements, misunderstandings, arguments, fear to act, fear to speak up, anxiety with our parents because of our choices.
These are good signs. These are signs of growing up. These are signs of movements in the happening. I believe, it is crucial to check “what is fueling my choices?”
This is the beginning of moving towards our authenticity and in most instances, we will be met with frustrations of not being heard, seen, felt, held, embraced and supported by our parents.
This is what growing up is. This is what maturing into horning one’s power to choose look like.
I am not glorifying this process. I am certainly not saying that all choices we make from an early age, especially in our adult age is fueled by higher levels of thinking and values and a higher vision of life. I am not saying that all choices in early adult age and even later are intelligent and thought through. Instead, I am dis-arming frustration. It is absolutely healthy to experience frustration. It is healthy to want to do otherwise and different. This is what growing up looks like, even if it means that on the way, I may hurt myself and cause irreversible damage.
So if you are experiencing frustrations in relating with your parents and/ or if you as parents are experiencing frustrations in relating with your child/children, then things are unfolding exactly as they have do, growth is happening, choices are being made, differences are rising up.
Elders are blinded to the fact that they cannot determine their child/children’s destiny while children often ache thinking that “if only, they had their parents’ blessings, then life would have been otherwise.”
The issue is not even with experiencing frustration but rather how badly we want to change each other so that life becomes easier.
We want to change our children so that life becomes easier and they follow a path that we believe true as elders.
We want to tweak our parents in such a way that life becomes easier for us and we are not challenged to choose between what they believe as true and what we believe as true.
A huge part of growing up is setting oneself free from hidden loyalties within the family system while listening to one’s calling inside.
If you are experiencing frustration, then pause and breathe through and remind yourself that growth is in the happening.
Ask yourself, what am I willing to give up to follow my calling?
Guilt is part of this process. The moment we start moving away from the norms, guilt is naturally experienced, so hold space for this guilt. It is healthy.
This fear of not belonging comes in the way. We fear if we choose our calling, we will no more belong to those we hold close to our heart.
While we choose our calling, may we be reminded that we belonged, we belong and we will always belong to our family, regardless of their opinions, regardless of what happens.
Growth is a movement of choices, of learning, of expanding, of dying and much more. Growth is about choices, whether consciously or unconsciously. Conscious choices bring a level of deep discomfort especially if we are moving away from hidden loyalties within our close knits.
If you are willing to wait to be approved and validated for your choices, then chances are that you will wait till the end and while waiting, you will be living a life that is not aligned with your calling and your truth.
Holding space for the guilt that is experienced
Holding space for the fear of no more belonging
Holding space for the frustrations experienced.
Holding space for the cycles of life
Love from my heart to yours
Love from my body to yours
Love from my nervous system to yours
Post © Megha Venketasamy, 2022. All rights reserved.
Creative Work © Megha Venketasamy, 2022
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