One of the agreements that I bring forth when I host circles is “this is a safe space to receive and to be received by self and this circle, may you catch yourself gently and fiercely whenever, however, whyever you find yourself diving into helping the other without the other having asked for help.”
Image Source: Nathan Dumlao @Unsplash
The intent of this agreement is grounded in one of the values that each and every individual has an abundance of resources and as we gather to focus on “what is” including the comfort, the discomfort and the in-between of it all, we hold space for each and every individual to find within whatever it is that they need most.
Many may share how sitting next to someone and not reaching out is an act of utter lack of compassion. Many may say that “I feel called to support, I hear whispers and isn’t it disrespectful not to listen to my inner guidance?” Many may heave at the constant cycle of going home drained with stories that belong to others.
I often get asked and I have often asked my teachers, colleagues, fellow-facilitators, friends, sisters:
“What are boundaries pre, during and post each session/meeting/gathering?
What do you do to not get dragged into people’s stories?
How do you energize after each session/meeting/gathering?
What do you do to not absorb people’s energies?
What are your strategies that support you in drawing a line between you and the other?
How do you sleep without carrying to bed the unsolved issues of people you meet every day? ”
If you have not asked yourself these questions, pause and walk yourself through each one of these and note down the answers. And if these questions are familiar to you, I invite you to pause and take each question with a sight of freshness and note down the answers.
|ASSUMING THAT YOU HAVE WALKED YOURSELF THROUGH THE ABOVE QUESTIONS|
Ask yourself this last question,
“Are we talking about their need for help or your need to be a helper?” ~ Bert Hellinger
|PAUSE| BREATHE|
I invite you to become present to your physical body, check what sensations are present, where these sensations are present now that you have asked yourself this last question, “are these people’s needs for help or my need to be a helper?”
What are you present to in this now?
How is your breathing?
What are your body sensations?
What feelings are you feeling?
What intention do we set with this new awareness?
|PAUSE| BREATHE| LISTEN | HEAR
There is no one way and there is no one perfected method and/or path that supports us draw a line between ourselves and others.
We attract people, we end up in situations and we craft events that catalyze in opening us to our unmet parts (trauma, gifts, drama, wounds, pains and much more).
It is human and divine to seek out and to help the other, even when help has not been requested and least asked.
It is human and divine to believe that we know what is best for the other and how to best support the other.
Every encounter as much as it is individual and personal, it is equally transpersonal. Every internal movement is transpersonal, so is every external step.
Every act of being and doing is personal and transpersonal.
The individual is always in relating with self and the collective past, present and future.
We are bound to attract that which we need most to grow, to unlearn from and of, to untangle of, to shed, to walk through, to strength on and much more.
As humans, we are called to navigate life in companionship with self and others. Our presence influences our lives and the greater collective is undeniable. Each and every one of us is special and unique, yet we are not that important, not so important to the to the extent of believing that we are responsible for others’ transformation.
We evolve and we grow and so do people around us.
As a facilitator, one of my lesson walking through these intense past months, is that regardless of how much I believe to know what is right for the clients and my close ones, ultimately the individual finds his/her way to his/her resolution. The tools the I use, the words that I utter, the rituals that I engage in, none of these surpass the client’s self-engagement and this stands true in all instances.
The question from this amazing teacher, Bert Hellinger has ushered me onto new lands and as I perceive life through new lenses, I pause to in reverence to my own need to be a helper, for such is the truth for most of us actively involved in supporting our fellows. The helper within is held strong and kindly and as I hold myself, I remind myself of these
“In all instances, the greatest act of help comes from holding space for self and the other, with the knowingness that when all is held space to belong, then balance and order flows naturally.”
I invite us to pause, to take note, to breathe and to move gently. Operating with new a structure, asks of deep compassion and kindness towards self.
May we be kind as we walk through the days , weeks and months.
Whenever the urge to help the other kicks in, may we be reminded to ask ourselves “are these people’s needs for help or my need to be a helper?”
Love from my heart to yours
Image source: @Nathan Dumlao @Unsplash
Post © Megha Venketasamy, 2020. All rights reserved.
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