Our beliefs and agreements know their way to hide deep within our subconscious, often covered under layers until one day, the Pandora box opens wide and there is no running away.
These past two months have been physically straining and challenging. My vitamin D hit bottom low once again (I was first diagnosed with this issue end 2016). This while the symptoms were more painful: slowed digestion, insomnia, lingering tiredness, gastric fire imbalance, loss of hair, deep sadness ,agony, joint pains, excess gas and I could go on this endlessly long list.
Image Source: Madhura Srinivas, September 2018,
My choice was and is to stay focus on aligning my body with that which is natural. I have been sunbathing at every possible opportunity since. Much has shifted since, my energy is rising each day and so is my sense of groundedness.
These past two months I have walked myself through a process, I have called it the “What Else Process”
Here is what I did exactly and what was uncovered and revealed to me through this process.
I invite you to give yourself permission to walk through this process at your pace in your own time.
Step One - Questioning your answers
The more I sunbathed everywhere and I am still doing so, the more I noticed that people on this island (Mauritius), they shy away from the sun. I started questioning why do people do that?
Why do we run to a shady place instead of glazing in the sun?
Eventually I started questioning myself, “Why did I shy away from the sun?”
And I would journal my answers
Each time an answer popped in, I would journal it and I will ask “what else?” and I would move on until the next answer popped in.
Here are some of the answers
I don’t want to be sticky on my way to a meeting
I don’t want to be smelly sweaty on my way to a meeting
I will be dehydrated
I will end up with a headache
I don’t want to have a bad sun burn
I don’t want to feel physically hot
And the list went on until last week, an answer popped in and up to now, there has been no other answer beyond this answer
“I don’t want to become darker”
This answer hit me hard and I sat with it for days. “I don’t want to become darker.”
I called this my meta-answer, there is no answer beyond this one. This is the key that will lead me to something bigger.
This answer speaks of aversion, whatever it is that I was trying not to be and become.
Never underestimate the act of questioning one’s answers.
We are too often veiled by our agony that we do not understand that
“the problem is never the problem.”
But I did not stay here, I went deeper. I coached myself. You may choose to do same but I gently suggest that you reach out to someone you trust, someone with whom you may an open heart conversation.
The depth of our conversation depends on our self opening.
Step Two - Association
How is “staying in the sun” connected to becoming darker?
I associate staying in the sun with becoming darker.
We are always associating one thing to another and this carries the power to shape our life in ways.
I was told and taught over and over again as a child, too much staying in the sun browns you and I ended up making this part of my reality and agreements.
I am inviting you to pause and start checking,
“What do I associate with whatever is happening in life right here right now?”
Our associations dictate experience.
Step 3 – What are the beliefs?
The most important part of what was uncovered for me. I asked myself what is above this agreement of “not wanting to become darker?”
Here is what unfolded for me:
Dark skin means ugliness.
This belief was cocooning in my subconscious for years.
For years, I have been vocal about whitening products. I am against all forms of skins whitening and hurting products and processes. I do not believe in changing one’s skin color to fit certain norms yet deep within my innerness, I been carrying this belief “dark is ugly”.
Step 4- Whose belief is this?
It belongs to my grandparents (may their soul rest in peace). My grandparent believed that dark was ugly and they spitted this belief to all their children and grandchildren.
A dark child is an unwanted child.
A dark child is not promised for a bright future.
A dark child will never be enough.
A dark child is an ugly child.
My parents, my uncles and aunties never supported such belief but somehow the fertile soil of my childhood absorbed it and this impacted hugely on my growing up as a child, a young woman and where I stand today.
Step 5: Re-claiming, Re-conciliating, Re-membering and Re-writing
In a process of uncovering whatever it is, the most crucial part is that of calling it back.
Re-claiming: I called back this belief and agreement about dark skin and skins of all shades. They are not mine. They are not my property. They do not align with my core values
Re-conciliating: It does not mean that I have to find others’ goodness in what they did but rather holding space for what I went through as a child, as an adolescent and a young woman owning to this belief and agreement.
This is the crucial phase, this is the phase where the human body calms down and the emotions rise with a grounded consciously aware intensity.
The one question to be asked here is , “What can learn and deepen my growth?”
Re-membering: Remembering one’s essence. Regardless of any situation, when one opens up to learning and growing, one moves closer to one’s essence, the untainted worthiness of being a human unconditionally regardless of the external standards.
Re-writing: carrying others’ beliefs within one’s space is heavy, burdening, crowing and poisioning.
The final step is to write one’s own beliefs.
“Beauty comes through shades and tones. I am one such beauty.”
Plant this belief within your fertile soil, then nurture it through days, weeks, months and years.
I have simplified the process but you can always give it a try. Here are the steps below:
Step One - Questioning your answers
Step Two - Association
Step 3 – What are the beliefs?
Step 4- Whose belief is this?
Step 5: Re-claiming, Re-conciliating, Re-membering and Re-writing
Please be kind and gentle towards yourself
Awareness is not always a rosy path
Things will be unveiled
Much will be uncovered
It will pain but it will heal
If these words resonate with you and if you want to understand more of whatever it is that I have walked myself through, please know that my doors and my heart are open, feel free to write to me @ megha.venketasamy@gmail.com
Love from my heart to yours
Megha Venketasamy
Image source: Maduras Srinivas, September 2018 Post © Megha Venketasamy, 2019. All rights reserved.
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